White Light, White Light Goin' Messin' Up My Mind

I'm sitting here watching the MTV VMAs...I'll try and do the 'live blog thing...of course no one is actually reading this right now so it'll be a "live blog read at a later time."

Opening
OK, Jack Black is a pretty cool guy and can be funny...but what was up with the opening? I realize that it was supposed to have all this excitement and fire and explosions and there were none. Right, I get it, it's ironic. But it wasn't funny. Not even on the ironic side. Then he intoduces The Raconteurs, whom not many people know. Add that Lou Reed is playing with them and most people are thinking "Hey, isn't that Jack White? Did the White Stripes break up? Where's Meg? That Jack White is kinda creepy. Who's that old guy and why doesn't he know the words? Must be a new song..." Yes, Lou Reed is rock & roll icon, but aside from musicphiles, the majority of people watching the VMAs have no idea who he is. The audience definitely gave a courtesy clap.

Lil' Kim
Boy, a year in jail really does a number on your boobs.

Best Hip Hop Video
*Crosses Fingers* No Black Eyed Peas, No Black Eyed Peas, No Black Eyed Peas....Dammit!
Two awards and Kanye is 0-2.

Ohhh Shakira featuring Wyclef. That's what makes the VMAs so special, all these people you'd never expect performing together. It's great.

Cast of Jackass
I love these guys. Can't wait for the next movie. Look it's Wee-man's wee-weenie.

Raconteurs are back sans Mr. Reed. I guess it's past his bedtime.

Commercial for some movie with Napolean Dynamite, Billy Bob Thorton, David Cross, Todd Louiso, Ben Stiller, Horation Sanz...School For Scoundrels, this looks good.

LL and 50
50 cent has 8 bullets in him and is still alive...figure that one out. Kelly Clarkson wins and LL & 50 accept for her. Another round of courtesy claps.

Lil Jon and some rapper I don't know...introduce Pharrell and some other rapper I don't know, although looks and sounds like Ludacris. If I don't get that one right, there goes my street cred.

Sarah Silverman...she's got that quasi-funny, semi-attractive thing going, but is overrated due to her relationship with Jimmy Kimmell...anyway she's talking about Lance Bass. Yeah I was gone for three weeks in Germany and find out Lance Bass is gay?! Didn't see that one coming...

Hey, Kyle from Tenacious D is there...isn't it funny how JB always has to intruduce KG as the other half of TD? Never fails. Now they riff on it. I hope they play later.

Jessica Simpson...isn't getting any more attractive. Anyway we get the best Dance video, I don't care about the Pussycat Dolls...they are talking to much, where is the orchestra?

Chris Brown...don't know who you are but he intro's OK Go who are doing a sweet treadmill-dance video thing. I know the bald guy is just the bass player, but he's the coolest. Nothing rocks more then four indie guys doing a choreographed dance routine. Jamiroqui, take that!

Paris Hilton...you know her song isn't that bad, I think that, because it's her, we all expect bad things. Did she get Jack Black introducing her as "a leading producer in independent film"?

Ohhh, Nicole Ritchie right after Paris, how scandalous! Anyway her and Nick Lachey do best pop? video. Madonna shouldn't be allowed to sample ABBA. No one should. And Pink wins, whoo hooo! Pink is one of the most manly women I've ever seen.

Snoop Dogg
You can never get enough Snoop, that is for sure. I hope he's still being Snoop when he's a geriatric. You know what? I don't know any of these rappers save 50. I'm so outta touch with what's cool.

I have no idea who is singing. Do you sense a theme here? Gosh, I suck.

Sarah Silverman, still not funny

Jared Leto and Amy Lee...can we get anymore pseudo-goth, dark, and disturbing than these two? And I'm just convinced that Jared Leto was talking with P. Diddy. That is the 2nd time a Moonman breaks. Is MTV having budget problems? And since when can people drink during/onstage?

"Hey this song sounds semi-familiar" thinks half the audience as the Raconteurs play "Steady as She Goes," their "hit."

Ringtone of the year
This is a category? Seriously? Again, no Black Eyed Peas, no Black Eyed Peas, no Black Eyed Peas...Yes! Oh wait, this guy is from Linkin Park? I get it now.

Panic at the Disco
I'm trying to figure out who these guys sound like. Or maybe they just sound like every other "emo" band. I do like their costumes, however.

Best New Artist
Oh no, not Fegie. Go back to Kids Incorporated and play a keytar. But who is this little girl? I like how Fregie can barely lift up her legs to dance because her dress is so short. Very classy, very classy. I have to be honest here and say that I do like that "Angels and Airwaves" song.

Jack White looks uncomfortable at the prospects of being in a band with Jack Black.

OMG OMG, Britney & K-Fed!!! OMG OMG!!!! You know, they actually look decent. I'm disappointed. Beyonce wins, good for her.

Kanye West...ohhh what is he going to say? Damn, nothing controversial. He just talks about Hype Williams receiving the Video Vanguard. The shiny suits were great, they defined late-90s Rap videos. Missy Elliot is having some car problems...I always like when live events don't go as planned. It's perfectly fine to show your blemishes.

Christina Aguilera...*yawn* is this over yet?

Again Lou Reed. Why is he on MTV? At least they are playing the one song of his that is the most popular. Ohhh, I think I'll grow my hair like the guys in AFI. One side short...one side long. And Lou Reed gets no props from the audience and awkwardly sunters to the rear of the stage. Poor guy. In 20 years no one will remember AFI but people will still [hopefully] remember Lou Reed.

Commercial break...hey it looks like Bob Dylan is doing a Gap commercial...sell-out. Oh wait, it's for Apple, so that doesn't make him a sell-out, right? right?

More Black Eyed Peas? Someone drop a bomob on them or something. What is KG doing back there? Who is Kyle Gass anyway? And I don't understand Jack Black's schtick. He's not really funny, of course as I write this him and KG do an awkward fat-man hug. And now Tenacious D sing.

Fallout Boy win Viewer's Choice. Whooo.

And it's Al Gore!!! Wow, what a surprise! Remember when the VMAs were uncool and had surpises at the end of the show like Guns & Roses playing a couple years ago?

And now the Raconteurs cover the Buggles and sing "Internet killed the radio star" How clever.

J. Lo comes out looking...I don't even know. And Panic at the Disco wins Video of the Year. Very anticlimatic. And some guy commandeers the microphone...now THAT's what I'm talking about! Anyway in 10 years people are going to look back and say "Panic at the Disco?" Who?

Hey speaking of Guns and Roses, it's Axl! Axl, Axl, when is Chinese Democracy coming out? And he introduces the Killers wh ile speaking about how he just met them and came out just to do this. Suuure. Anyway, the Killers are a nice guilty pleasure. I'll admit I dig them and I'll probably be buying their new record.

That's it. Finally it is over and I can go to bed. Thank you for all who made it through my first live blogging experience.