Don't You Cry Tonight

Reminder: this sunday the url of MOL will change to http://metaoflife.blogspot.com

Tuesday I set a new personal record that I am not particularly proud of. Because of my actions/words/etc I made, count 'em, 4 different people cry. The List:

One of my swimmer's
Parent of a swimmer
Friend
Self

I coach/instruct a group of 15 or so novice swimmers. MSU runs a learn-to-swim program and after they matriculate through the program and they are still interested in the sport, they come to me and join the "Beginning Competitive Swimming" program. My skill level ranges from very raw & beginner swimmers to much more experienced swimmers who understand interval training and I can push harder. One of the benefits from particicpating in sports is learning valuable life skills. Sports have taught me how to set goals, self-motivate myself to achieve these goals, and be responsible for my actions. Aside from the health & performance benefits, I want my athletes to learn these other skills as well. I have one swimmer, for argument's sake we'll call him Che. Side note: I watched The Motorcycle Diaries last night. A very good and enjoyable movie. My limited knowledge of Che Guevara is that he was a Cuban Revolutionary and that lots of people like his image, but don't necessarily have knowledge of his dubious actions.

Back to my swimmer. Che is 11 years old and constantly runs late. He is also the "King of Excuses." Whenever I ask him about something he always offers a rationale as to why he messed up. I have mentioned to him numerous times in the past about his tardiness and asked him if he could try to get here a little earlier. Last week he showed up a good 10 minutes late and I said to him, "Che, next week if you come late you will not be able to swim." Luckily I wrote it down in my notebook for tuesday's practice, or I will have forgot. Needless to say Che arrives a good 10 minutes late. I ask him if he rememebers what I told him and of course he does not. I tell him that he is not swimming today and he again gives me an excuse. I explained to him the concept of arriving on time and perhaps he needs to leave earlier so he can make it here on time. The kid is 11 and I feel this is an age where one needs to start learning self-responsibility. I could see the tears starting to form in his eyes as I was talking to him. I did not see him cry per se, but I'm pretty sure he did in the locker room. I felt bad and do not enjoy being the bad guy in anyway, but Che needed to learn a lesson. My worst fear was that I would never see him again. Well thursday rolls around and who is not only on time but early? Mr. Che! I told him I was proud of him and hopefully this was the start of some new behavior from him.

This was the first time I've ever kicked someone out of practice/not permitted them to swim. Then about 10 minutes later another swimmer shows up -- this is my 5-year old. He mom asks if it is ok for her to still swim. This is right after I did not permit Che to swim. Here I am thinking "OK, you just told one kid they could not swim because they are late, but you are going to let someone else who has arrived later swim?" I told the mother in a somewhat grumpy tone that yes she can swim today. She's 5-years old, I'm not going to kick a 5-year old out. On the same token I had minutes ago set a standard and in my mind I'm sending dual messages like "if swimmer A comes late they can't swim, but it's ok for swimmer B to come late and swim?" I felt very...compromised. Later on I chatted with the mother (during practice which is not a particularly good idea) and she explained that 5YO would always be late on tuesdays. I mentioned if it would be possible for 5YO to come in on wed/thur instead of tue/thur? I told her I would think about the situation and get back to her. Honestly, I do not like kids coming in late. I feel that it gets harder for them to get incoporated into the practice and usually I have a plan for the day based on the personnel I have. A swimmer shows up late and it wrinkles things up a bit and sets off my equilibrium. Also, a 5YO doing two 1.5 hour workouts a week? I want no part in contributing to her hating the sport in 10 years.

So thursday rolls around, Che shows up on time and I'm in a good mood (like most thursdays for some reason). My boss (and member of my thesis committee) shows up and asks why she had a mother of a swimmer in her office crying. I'm like "oh no." And I explained what exactly had happened on tuesday. If it had been any other day then when I told Che he could not have swam, I would have been grumpy, but would have 5YO swim and would have said nothing. It was just on that day and that situation and things became a bit unraveled. Now mother is most likely pulling 5YO out of the program -- I will be making a phone call today to kiss some ass, clear up the situation, and hopefully get 5YO back. Speaking of 5YO swimmers, my sister tells me my neice is becoming quite the swimmer -- Uncle Mark certainly likes that to her. Keep up the good work Madelyn.

Since one of my on-going dreams (along with Rock Star) is to become a swim coach, I figure I'll have to deal with these situations at some point. But it's never fun. I think that is why I want to work with older kids. They understand that if I kick them out of practice, it's nothing personal, they just screwed up. I know that is one area I am weak in -- being emotionally supportive. If a kid (any age) is going to come up to me and start crying, I find it hard to say "there there, it is ok." It is not my personality type. Thats why I either need to really improve here or have people on my staff who can do that. But the more I face situations like these, the better I'll become in dealing with the situations and know how to handle all the circumstances.