Here In My Car

A little while ago I was out and about doing some errands. I was at the Post Office and noticed a car with a bumper sticker that said "My cat is smarter then your honor student." Those that know me know I'm not a big animal person. I've seen other bumper stickers that say "My dog is smarter then your honor student." OK, we get it, you are a cat/dog person lets take a look at these accusations a bit further.

So you say your pet is smarter then my honor student? I beg to differ, lets take a closer look here. What is your pet's GPA? Have they averaged straight As for the duration of their education? How about AP tests -- have they taken several of these and received college credit for them? I think not! Honestly, I would think that if given an integral to solve the cat/dog would really have no idea what to do. OK, calculus is hard, so let's focus on English. How many of the classics has your pet read? Can it identify the imagery, symbolism, and themes in books such as The Scarlet Letter, A Tale of Two Cities, and The Great Gatsby? I'm guessing probably not. I bet your pet doesn't even know how to read! How about US History...can your pet defend several causes for the American Revolution? How about US Policy as it affected reconstruction of the south? Your pet has no idea, does it? OK, I'll give you one last chance, how'd your animal do on the SATs/ACTs? Now these are multiple choice tests so there is some statistical liklihood of the pet getting some questions correct but I'm willing to bet that even the folks who finish in the bottom 10% of a graduating class will score higher then your pet. So get over it. Your animal is not smarter then any human. It's just a dumb animal who you care way too much for.

That same day I was driving home and was behind a car that had a license boarder that said "I'd rather be at a Clay Aiken Concert." Clay Aiken? Forizzle? Seriously! Clay Aiken! does that guy get respect from anyone? What has he done lately besides finish 2nd in American Idol? Worse off, it was a guy who was driving and it was a Camaro! I guess that debunks the whole Camaro-driving stereotype (classifications --> Section 1 --> 02).

But things got worse later that night. My buddy Teets came up for a visit and we were at a local watering hole sitting outside, enjoying the summer evening and some fermented beverages. Shortly a couple sat down next to us. The guy started conversing with us (I don't know why) and said that I look like the aforementioned Aiken. Because I've got red hair and I'm white doesn't mean you should compare me to that no-talent ass clown. Then the guy wouldn't shut up. He's one of those people that'll talk to anyone but, unfortunately for him, he has nothing worthwhile to say, so it just becomes annoying and obnoxious. He was there with his wife who wasn't bad looking. He definitely got the better end of that deal. But we were wondering what she is doing with him as she seemed pretty normal. Luckily for us they didn't stay around too long and we continued our night in peace.