A Number of Irrational Fears

First off, I've been meaning to get this in here for awhile now. So awhile back I watched most of my Seinfeld DVDs in the span of a week or so. One of the early episodes has Elaine getting a job for George at Pendant Publishing. George, working late one night, makes a little eye contact with the cleaning lady (sweet Lupe!). The two proceed to...um...get it on at the office. Elaine's (and technically George's) boss, Mr. Lippman (played wonderfully by Richard Fancy) becomes aware of the situation and confronts George about it. The dialogue goes something like this:

Mr. Lippman -- It has been brought to my attention that you have had relations with the cleaning lady.
George, in a complete deadpan -- Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon . . ."

That was one of the early classic George Costanza lines. It is slowly prying the door open to the dysfunctionality and neuroticism that we would come to love and enjoy and what would ultimately define the character of George Costanza. Like it or not, we all have a little (or a lot) George Costanza in us.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I started thishere blog way back in January. I did it on a lark and was mainly inspired by one Erin Greer. I didn't really expect anyone to read the drivel that I put here. Or if they did, it would only be a few choice people. Well slowly my readership has grown. It is still mainly my friends, but that has grown from my close friends to those that may not be as close. My family (mom, dad, both sisters) also read this. While I am no Stephanie Klein (nor desire to be), it seems that my readership is growing, which is a good thing.

As I get more readers, I've started to self-censor what I put up here. This blog is by no means a tell all of my dirty little secrets and sweet follies of youth...but on the same token you never know how people are going to react to words that may or may not be about them. Or even what details of my life you would rather not know. There are some out there that would argue that self-censorship is wrong and I should be able to write whatever I want. I can do that. I just choose not to. If I was willing to deal with those consequences, by all means I'd write every detail of my life on here, but I also realize that the words I write here can have an impact beyond my everyday readers.

I've read a few articles about how blogging has affected people's professional lives. People have not been hired based on what they write on blogs. I try to keep this fun and I mostly comment on the mundane minute of everyday life. Every once in a while I do offer a valid social/political commentary along the evolution posts I just did. But do I want a sentence that I wrote 6 months ago in some pointless post to affect whether or not I get a job when I get my degree in the spring? Heck no. I mean I did get totally hammered last night, woke up this morning naked in a pile of my own vomit handcuffed to some skanky looking girl and there was a used condom on the floor....

There is also the fact that I find it very uncomfortable and somewhat embarassing to admit that, yes, I do blog. I feel like...I dunno...I just feel that people will look down upon me when I say that. I think that their opinon of me will change from 1) the fact that I do blog and more importantly 2) what I write on here. I am very hesitant to admit to people that I do blog. I know that the interent has grown to be a big part of our everyday lives and that if you participate in online forums, postings, bloggings, etc this doesn't mean you are a "single unkempt non-hygenic single male" or such stereotypes that existed during the infancy of the internet. Yes somehow I still perceive (really this is unjustified) people will see me this way. Really MOL is an extension of myself & my personality and if anything I should be proud of the writings and work I put up here.

Hey its September. Looks like I'm getting called up to the majors. Time to show management what I've got.